I know we did a "where are you in surfing" thread, but on a grander scale, this is about the same, but about everything else in life....

So, where am I? - At this point, I really don't know. I turned 46 a few months back. When I turned 40 and then 41 etc, the number "40" never really lingered on me. I feel young. I still look young. Half my friends I grew up with are bald, out of shape and look 60 at this point, so whatever on that note. But now at 46, that "number 50" is lingering in my not too distant future, and that number has a different kind of ring to it....

So, as most of you know, or I have said, I grew up in Western MD. Loving the ocean. My pops taught me how to body surf, then surf as a kid. OC MD was our spot.... In college, I moved from the second largest city in Maryland, but still feels like a small town and into the "big city" for college in Baltimore. At the time, I thought Baltimore was the coolest place on earth. After spending 5 years in the city, I realized, Wow, this place sucks and if I stay here and raise a family, I will ended up getting killed in a car jacking and my family will always be at risk.... The one thing that always pointed to hope and happiness to me was the ocean. So, as I felt the walls caving in on me in Baltimore, with pending doom lurking, I packed my shit and moved to San Diego with my girlfriend. To everyone that asked why, I replied: "So I can surf every day"... Pretty simple...

So, that was it. I spent my entire 20s and into my early 30s doing just that. Surfing every day. Getting as good as I could. I even changed industries and worked in restaurants so I could surf all day.... 

Fast forward a couple of years: Married. First kid. No family in San Diego.... I get a restaurant opportunity in SC, where part of my wife's family lives, so I agree to pack up my "surfing every day" dream and move to a small island in the Atlantic so we can be close to my wife's family...

In years since, I have been working for a restaurant, which we built into a "group" and expanded quite a bit. Now, I have worked my way up in the company from a GM to a director and now oversee all the locations and stuff. So, as far as my industry goes, and as far as working for someone else, I am pretty much at the pinnacle. I am above the pay scale typically reserved for this industry, so there is no real chance for any more upward movement. I have done pretty much everything I can do here. We lost a TON of our upper management in the past 18 months, leaving me and couple of other people with a ton of shit on our plates and a really bad environment at the top. Regime change. Everything changed....

So, from a professional standpoint, I am at a serious crossroads. I have been relatively unhappy for sometime as far as work goes, but I have a mortgage, a wife, two kids, dance, bills. All that. So, I do what all of us do, and grind on....

But at 46 now, call it a mid-life crisis or whatever, but I have been stressing and thinking and reflecting a LOT about what happens next? Does one keep doing what they have to do, because the money is good and life is life, or does one start thinking about taking risks, making tough decisions and potentially going into some serious financial risk to come out the other side either: Broke and bankrupt, or successful and expanding. 

Now, my industry is HARD. really hard. Making money in the restaurant business is tough. Overhead. Costs. Insurance. Business. It is SOOOO volitile. When I see a celebrity open a restaurant, I am like, WTF are you doing? So while that is one thing I am good at doing, and I have opened multiple businesses and restaurats with "Other people's money", I have never done it for myself, or on my own. I don't have deep pockets and a half million to dump into a project. I have a little cash and would have to borrow/risk the vast majority of it....

So, I am also looking into other potential retail opportunities and stuff, but all in all, at this point, I am a 46 year old dude that still loves surfing and will make many sacrifices for that, but I am also a dude that has mortality on his mind. The feeling of "There is always tomorrow" or "When I am 45, I will worry about that" kind of thing was always in my mind. But now, I look at a calendar, then in the mirror and think, FUCK, where did all the time go? Am I where I wanted to be at this age? Did I waste time surfing constantly for hours every day for 10 years? Did I make a mistake every getting into this business? 

All the what ifs? Then you look forward and think: Okay, this is going to be my life for the next 20 years? Or, shit man, these are some of my final years of "feeling young", so I better make the most of it, and if there was a time to take a risk, it was 10 years ago, so if not now, then when?

Life is a funny bitch....

In addition to that, I have never had anxiety, stress issues or anything like that in my past. Ever. When I was 42, then again when I was 45, I really hit some dark spots mentally. Nothing crazy, I just lost the ability to internalize or compartmentalize my emotions. For most of my life, no matter what the situation or how bad it is, it was always "water off a ducks back".... And I learned as I get older, that doesn't work.... Stressed of life and work took physical tolls on me. What I think were anxiety attacks. Thinking I am having a heart attack. Not sleeping. Deep depression. You get to the point where you get excited about simple shit, like a sunny day, and you are like, fuck man, what happened to me? 10 years ago, I could have gotten fired, I would have gone surfing, drank some beers, laughed with the family and figured it out the next day. I feel like if that had happened a year ago, I would have ended up in a fucking psyche ward freaking the fuck out....

So, I guess it's all part of aging and getting older and just the transitions and patterns of life. But at 46, I am no spring chicken and I feel like I am getting to one of those "shit or get off the pot" moments, where you need to risk it all for the sake of a bright future, or a potential disaster. Otherwise, the future is not looking all that great. AI taking over. Economic uncertainty. 

When Covid hit, I had to layoff 500 people in one day. I was lucky enough to be in a situation where I was safe, but shit like that happens, and in the future, me, you and most of us, could easily be in that 500 that one day, because of what happens in the world, the plug just gets pulled. And for some of us, that is years or even decades of dedicating our lives to someone or something, and then it is no more.....

So, that is me. A confused ass 46 year old, just trying to appreciate the little things in life each day, like the hugs from the kids when you walk in. The dog sleeping on your lap late at night while everyone is sleeping and just the simple things in life that really matter. Sometimes when life gets tough and confusing, those are the bright lights that shine through. It's something I wish I focused on more when things are going great. It shouldn't take self reflection and deep thought to remind any of us, every day, that god put us here to enjoy the beautiful blue skies and the waves we all enjoy.....

Anyway, that's me right now... A fucking lunatic. 

Can't believe it's been that long, but prayers and thanks to all those who were lost, and to everyone that lives today with the voids and holes that remain from that fateful day. 

One of the worst moment/days in my life at the time. But to this day, I have never seen American unified in the way that it was on September 12th... 

Thank you to the Fire Fighters, the police, the public first responders, everyone in those buildings. Everyone on those planes. A special thank you to the brave souls who took back the flight in PA and ended their own lives to save thousands of other....

From the final phones calls that we heard from plane passengers to loved ones, to the sounds we heard of citizens taking back the cockpit. To the haunting visions of watching human beings leap to their death from the towers. To the moment we probably ALL remember. The time when the first tower had been hit, and we were all glued to the TV, just in time to watch the second plane hit on live TV. I can't think of a more important/terrible moment in modern American history, where we all sat there in unity and watched it unfold together......

I will certainly never forget that day. And you still see what remains from 9/11's impact today. The world has never been the same. 

And the great part for them is that El Nino's best waves happen in THE WINTER! So they have had the southern hemi of all southern hemis, and after 4 straight months of pumping surf in board shorts, they are going to have record breaking winter swells pummeling the coast all the way into 2027....

Having lived there for a decade, I am well aware of how consistent and good CA gets, but this year has been all time for them. This is one of those stretches that factors into my viewpoint that when CA is good, it can be the best place on earth for waves. Waves of all kinds. Lefts. Right. Points. Reefs. Piers. Jetties. Beach Breaks. Deep water channels. Deep water reefs. Big wave spots. The wedge. Summer. Winter. 

CA takes on every swell angle in the entire pacific, unlike islands and other coastlines that face only certain windows and directions. When the swells are pumping anywhere in the Pacific, California is going to get the goods. And 2026, IMO, has been ground zero for the "every day surfer" who can't hop on a jet and be in Indo at the drop of a hat. 

Anyway, here are some gems from CA this past week along. There are thousands of these floating around now. But this particular session in SoCal moved me when I saw them. This shows Southern California in all of it's glory, tossing up waves that would be considered world class anywhere on earth.

Photog: Corey Wilson
Surfer: Oliver Kurtz

https://hostevie.com/products/mens-surfing-wetsuit

They got Starship towed to Christmas Island.  Couldn't go east to Oz because of wind and current in their faces.  Christmas Island was much closer, and a better direction.  A big Norwegian Tug went and snatched em up.  A coupla other boats assisted.  So, now we wait to see what SpaceX does.  Plenty of options.  Christmas Island is pretty tiny, but it does have an airport. 

Starships don't come with tow line attachment points.  They had fun tryna hook up to it without fuckin it up and it sinkin.  😏