Oh, and DP can probably relate the most to this. But on a "spiritual note". I was born and raised in a pretty "Uber Catholic" family. Chruch every sundays. Youth minitry every Sunday night. Retreats. Alter server. My grandparents did/do mass 7 days per week. Catholic school in my early days....

So, to me, that was all I knew. And as a kid, having family believing so deeply in that, I was a pretty well behaved kid. My parents instilled "the fear of god" in me at a young age, so while my neighborhood friends were all getting caught stealing/joy riding their parents cars around town when we were all 13, and they were fucking chicks and stuff, I was, behind closed doors, "fearing" that god was watching everything I did, so most of my young life, that acted as a buffer that basically forced me into doing the right thing, because I was convinced I was being watched/judged at all times. That might seem crazy to a lot of people, but in reflection, I look back at that as being the strongest, most powerful influence on my life as a kind.... 

By the time I went off to college, my parents dropped a bombshell on me. I came home one night that summer. a hour past curfew. All fucked up. Parents waiting on me: "We need to talk"... Oh shit, they known I am all fucked up... Nope, they sit me down and tell me that my mom is a dyke. And that they have known this for years and that they wanted us to finish school and have a normal life before they got a divorce and what not. My initial reaction was "Awesome, good for you, at least they didn't know I was wasted. Haha"....

Then the following year, I get a called from my brother. He is three years older and goes to Loyola in Baltimore. He says he needs to talk to me and asked me to meet him at a bar downtown. So, we meet up. We order beers and he is like "You might want something stronger"... So I get a boilamaker, where they just pour bourbon into your IPA. Okay, whatcha got? He says: Well, you know how Mom is gay now? Well, our younger sister just came out as being gay too.... I spit my fucking beer out. Like, WTF? 

So, little back story. We adopted my sister when she was 3 years old from South Korea. My brother and I are biological. When she arrived, she was afraid of me, my brother and my dad for like 6 months. Would turn from us. Cry. It was wild. We had a little tape recorder where we would record her, then go back with a Korean dictionary and translate what she was saying. So basically, she was orphaned at birth and spent almost 3 years in an orphanage, and the only men she ever encountered were doctors, guards and people that she never wanted to see. So most females that are adopted from anywhere, have a natural inclination to be good with woman and fear men...

The reason I say this is because she already had identify issues. She was Korean, we were not. She had kids in my town call her a chink. She thought men were only there to hurt her. So it took years for her to open up and be cool with us. And in the 6 months to a year following my parents divorce. My sister had to live with my Mom. I remember going home one weekend and walking in and the house was full of dykes. Looked like an old ladie's softball meeting or something. After, I am like WTF was that. She is like "That is my weekly meeting with the gay women in town"... So I asked her politely NOT to do that shit in front of my sister. 

So anyway, my brother tells me this. I go scorched earth. I call my Mom and cuss her out and accuse her of brainwashing my sister. If you wouldn't bring all these man hating lesbians into the house so she can hear your nonsense, this never would have happened.

So, long story short. My sister and brother completely abandoned our faith under the guise of "If god can't accept my mother and sister for who they are, I don't want anything to do with him".... My father was really the only one that continued hard with his faith. For me, I never really thought about it. I just stopped going to church. Didn't know what I believed anymore....

So, that went on pretty much my entire adult life before my daughter was born. The transition back into faith was a slow burn and really started when we got married. We HAD to get married catholic. But in the Catholic church, you can ONLY get married in a Church. Generally speaking, Catholic Priests will NOT perform one outside of the church. In additional, both people have to be fully confirmed and verified by documents and stuff. We also had to meet with people from the church for marriage counseling and stuff. Something they do with everyone. In addition to that, when it was time to baptize my daugher, we had a whole different set of problems. My sister is gay: Cannot be a godparent. My brother married a woman who was divorced. He is out.....

So, really, it was that point in my life that I had to decide how I wanted to raise my kids. Are we doing the church thing? Are we going through with all of this. So my wife and I both decided, yes, we will. Regardless of how our faith was at the time and what we thought, we both agreed that growing up in faith and in the church is ALWAYS a good thing.....

So, I wanted my kids to have the structure and that same fear of god that I had. 

So, in the coming years, I worked closely with the church and school out here. We became a part of the church and the community and it was during those times, drinking beers with other guys from the church. Playing golf with them and learning that we all fit in together kind of opened that door of faith back up to me...

When my daugther was about 6, the wife and I were trying to have another kid. This was back in like 2016 maybe? We get pregnant, we are about 3-4 months in and we share with everyone. Make the shirts. Tell our daughter she was going to be a big sister. The whole thing....

So, a few weeks later we are at our checkup. They do the imaging. Something is wrong and I can tell. The doc is like, well, I don't know right now, but there has been no growth since our last visit, so this could be a problem. We have to give it 10 more days. If nothing changes, the baby is gone... That was a ROUGH 10 days... And when we returned, we got the worst news. In the hospital a hour later. Devastated.... It took a while to recover from that. Ultimate sadness. We decided at that moment that we were done. We couldn't go through something like that again. We have one perfect, awesome kid. We are good.....

So anyway, literally, exactly one year goes by, almost to the day. I am at work and I get a call from the wife. She texts, doesn't call. So I answer, what's up? I'm pregnant.... What the fuck? How is that possible.... She was on birth control.... Impossible...

So, I get like 10 tests from CVS on the way home. Different brands. All come back positive....

So at any rate, literally to THE DAY, our new pregnancy has the same due date as the miscarriage was supposed to be, one year later....

And I can't really explain exactly what happened after that, but my son was born. He had some breathing issues so I was in the Charleston NICU with him for a couple weeks, but he got out of it and has been a stud every since....

So, genuinely, and it's hard to explain, I truly believe, to this day, that my son, who is now 8, is the same "soul" that was in my wife's stomach a year prior. Something was off, and it just wasn't time. But god gave us a miracle. Clear as day. One year later to the day... And it was really that moment and that situation that make me think once again, and finally "There was a plan. God did this for a reason". And now, that soul, my son, is exactly where he was always supposed to be....

So, in the years following that, I have become stronger in my faith again. I started to understand all the things that I didn't understand back in those earlier days. I realized that I can love my family, and pray for them, and that god loves them too, regardless of their personal or sexual choices or preferences....

So, A lot of my journey in faith lately, was convincing myself that two things can be true at the same time. And just because god doesn't approve of something that someone that I love does, doesn't mean they are doomed to be cast into hell. There are more than one way to skin a cat. 

I have a long way to go and LOTS of questions still, but I am trying. I really am. 

Thanks for sharing Zach, that's some heavy personal stuff, but I got a good feel for what you are going through. And that's an amazing story of God restoring you and your wife, and your son, that's is proof enough for me dude, no other explanation right? My wife and I didn't have a miscarriage but we did have trouble conceiving our daughter, it took 5 years after she got off of her BC, it took lots of prayer and letting go of the wheel and letting God do his thing. We definitely were doing OUR thing so that wasn't the problem lol My wife was ready to get back on BC though, she was frustrated and had given up hope almost, but I told her I felt like we were supposed to wait longer and not give up, "not in our time but his", so I prayed again, and boom, that's when it happened. No other explanation.

So to get to your question or situation you're trying to figure out, I guess it all depends on what you are trying to accomplish. What is the goal? And why? Who is it for? 

For me, at 45, with a wife and 6 1/2yr old girl, soon to be 7 year old in January, I have narrowed my focus and priorities. Now that I am exactly where I want to be geographically, have the wife, kid, house, daily surfing, etc., lifestyle wise, I really don't "need" or "want" for much. For that, I am truly blessed. I worked hard to be in this position, I endured my trials and tribulations, God really had to move in my life for this all to happen. I don't have as much money or a lot of the things some of you big ballers have, but I have a great life.

My priorities are pretty simple now, God 1st, Family 2nd, Surfing and close friends 3rd. Everything else is just extra, and can be "noise" or a distraction, not always, but too much going in our life isn't a good thing IMO. We need to have balance and a sense of calm in the soul  / spirit. Simplifying life and removing people and things that continually cause stress helped me a lot with anxiety. 

I would look at it like this, what does God want from you? Are you where he wants you to be? Or is there something else you feel you should be doing? I would pray about it, wait for an answer, keep praying and waiting if you don't get a clear answer right away. It's a huge decision and one that should have council, with God and your wife. Risk in your 20's is much easier to recover from if it goes bad than in your mid 40's with a lot more on the line, just something to consider.

I think at our age, the next 10 years or so are going to be the most important for the kids and what not, but really we got a good 20-25 years ahead or more, God willing, but I see so many dudes surfing well into their 70's and even 80's. Not at the same level as you were in your 20's but that isn't the point, the point is being connected with our creator and his creation, the ocean and everything in it, sharks be damned haha.

One thing I have learned is my fulfillment doesn't really come from my job. It comes from above, it comes from inside. My job is not who I am, it's just the channel God uses to finance my life and provide for my family, to do the things I truly love, and be with the people I love, and to help others and give back when I can. 

I do my best to serve people anywhere I am, regarless of industry or company. I am still working on being better at serving in the community, I've always been a little reserved on that kind of stuff, but working on it lately. That's great you're involved with the school and church. We recently found a great church down the road from our house and have been going every Sunday for a little while now. It definitely has helped in my house for sure. I use to drive by it all the time and felt it was where we were suppose to be, but it took a while to get my wife on board, but she's all in now. 

Another thing that helps me is having a consistent schedule that I follow every day, I'm awake by 5am, usually earlier, I'm asleep by 10pm, sometimes earlier. I try to avoid staring at my phone or any screen for too long as well. Reducing screentime is huge. If you don't have grounding sheets on your bed, I HIGHLY recommend them, best investment I made in the last couple years. After I wake up, I drink water, then I get outside immediately and surf, and in the rare event there's no surf, I go for a walk, jog, bike ride, etc, to make sure I get both early morning sunlight on my skin and in my eyes (no sunscreen).

I only drink water for the first few hours, no food, then after I surf or excercise outside, and am settled at home / work, I'll pour me a cup of coffee and I only use a little raw organic local honey or none at all, completely black. I eliminated creamer. I won't eat anything until Noon most days, my food intake window is from 12pm - 8pm (intermittent fasting is amazing). I just did a 24hr water only fast a couple days ago, it's good to throw those in there sometimes, and am going to start doing longer 2-3 days of fasting too.

My first meal of the day is usually a whole avacado smashed up, two boiled pasture raised eggs sliced up, on 2 slices of organic "Graintastic" toasted bread, followed by a whole banana, orange, and apple, or similar mix of various fruits. Sometimes I do plain Greek Yogurt w/blueberries, strawberries, etc. for a "healthy" snack around 3:30pm, I also like those "Elevation" bars made out of dates or those organic Coconut Clusters for a snack, then it's dinner at 6pm, which is usually whole, organic, pasture raised, grass fed, or wild caught, chicken, steak, or fish, nothing processed or artificial, same with sides, veggies, mixed greens, and taters or grains. No seed or low quality oils. Then I allow myself a small bar of 85% Cocoa or Cacao dark chocolate, the real stuff, imported from Germany, not Hershey's or w/e around 7 or 8pm for my snack, and that's it for the day. I shop mostly at Aldi but will hit other spots if needed.

Also I have cut beer / wine down to almost nothing, about to completely cut it out honestly, I look and feel better without it. I had reduced it considerably already, and ran with that for a while, but now it's like what's the point? haha

Other than sleep / food, I'm praying daily, reading my bible almost daily, listening to worship / christian music daily, and attending Church weekly+, doing this really connects all the dots. I feel amazing compared to how I was in my 20's and 30's, in all respects.

If you just want to work a little less and surf a little more, and have less on your plate at home, perhaps there's a way to do that without completely risking it all? Could you just need to rearrage or adjust schedules and habits? Is it more than that? Is God calling you to do something else? I don't know the answers, just throwing questions out there. Regardless, I would start with prayer.

Matthew 6:33 - "But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."

"Trouble is to man as rust is to metal". Kind of in the same boat, hate my job but can't leave cause the mortgage has to be paid, the boy is in his dream school, wife has health issues and I'd be giving up Gov subsidized healthcare for my family for the rest of our lives if I leave before 57. On the other hand, I really can't complain as I got $ in the bank and live in a pretty nice place and surf more than I would in MD.  Wish I could say it gets better but my friend just turned 66 and said it does not. He also says, "growing old, it's not for pussies". Like DP says small steps maybe? Maybe a surf trip?  I've just been taking more time off here and there every week to hit the waves especially in the morning glass.

Aw shit, Zach....now look what you have gone and started!!!  lol.  And as stated by oipaul, it doesn't get any better.  I am 75 now.  When I wake up in the morning, I look to my wife and see her calmly asleep, purring away; I then look to the window and see the trees bending a bit to the morning seabreeze, and then I sa....Holy Fuck!!  I am still alive!!  I get to live another day here on the best planet in the Solar System!!  So, it's day by day now.  I am okay, overall healthy, but at 75 that can change momentarily.  There are only 2 things that I worry about now:  1) Is my wife of 55 yers going to be okay when Im gone?? 2)  Will by daughter and granddaughter be okay when Im gone??  Once I deal with those thoughts, I go about my day.  I don't worry about work, bills (I pay them), or anything else.  That's what it's like at 75.  Oh yeah, when I get up, I creak and groan like an old Spanish galleon that has hit a reef.....but that soon evaporates.  

It's okay to let go...fuck politics.....fuck traveling.....just be happy where you are, because soon, none of us will be where we are, we will all be back to being stardust.  Just enjoy today.

Morning Buoys.... DP, great stuff. It sounds like you have yourself, your family and your spirituality dialed in right now, so that is half the battle right there....

As far as "schedules" and daily shit goes, I am somewhat locked in, so there isn't "much" wiggle room.

So, in the restaurant business, especially in management, you have to pay your dues. The first handful of years involved a lot of late nights. Closing up a restaurant at 2am and going home... I did it that way so I could surf all day at first. 

When I started with this particular company 13 years ago, I was a GM. I could do an occasion night shift, but most were days shifts and the occasional "mid" or whatever. In recent years, I moved out of the day to day operations, so generally, my days are somewhat normal. I rarely work weekends. It's mostly like a 8-5 kinda deal most of the time...

So, as far as that goes, it's pretty much as good as I can get. As I said, the pay is not astronomical, but it's more than I thought I could make in this industry, and there is really no position "above me", so for the past handful of years, it's been: Work, put as much in 401K as possible. All that....

But like I said, for the past year, it's been rough. We lost most of our upper management team. When that happened, they poached a bunch of employees and managers and took them too. Our owner is notoriously difficult to deal with. His is notorious on this island. Everyone knows him and everyone has some crazy ass story. And over the past 40 years, whenever someone leaves here, or gets fired, it ends VERY badly.... So, I have always known this, and when all those people left, I was left spending a lot of my time, every day, with the owner. Side by side. It went well for a while, but the dude is a mad man. Super rich. Does what he wants. Thinks he is always right. Says crazy shit. It was good for a while, but last spring, it came to a headway, and he and I clashed on some things. And he is not reasonable at all, so in the end, he has been pretty hard on me since. Says wild shit. Fucks with me.... Bonuses haven't been what they should be...

So, for all over those reasons, last spring, I decided I was pretty much done. Nothing more I can do here. The money is awesome, but I started stressing a LOT. Like, a LOT A LOT. Never had depression in my life. I started getting depressed. Never took meds in my life, then they were like dude, you have serious anxiety. Your blood pressure is through the roof... All this shit...

So, anyway, since then, it has just been a mental battle of "I guess I am just going to ride this out until I quit, or this guy walks in one day and says we are done. Not sure how it will end, but I just don't see a future here. 

So, really, that is where I am at work wise, which is why I am at this big ass cross roads. 

So, my wife works at our Catholic church and school. So her and both of my kids go to mass twice per week at school, and then we go "most" sundays to traditional mass. I do miss more than I should, but a lot of that has to do with schedules and stuff. 

My wife wakes up at 5:30am. She heads to work at like 6:45am. I am up at 6:30, feed the kids, get them both ready. I drop my kids off at school at 7:45 and I am at work by 8....

My son plays sports. So, we have a 2 hours baseball practice every Monday from 5-7. A single game or double header every Wednesday. That is 1.5-3.5 hours each night...

Meanwhile, my daughter has dance. Her standard dance days are M-Thursday. From either 4:40-9:30pm, or like 6-9pm. And most of the year, she has classes on Friday, Saturdays and Sundays. And then there is travel. 

So, pretty much every single night it is: Which one of us is taking our daughter to the mainland. 20 minute drive each way. Sometimes she gets rides from friends. She is 15. But most nights, one of us has to drive back out there at like 9:30 at night and get her....

So, just those two things take up a SHIT load of time....

So, I do believe that I milk most of what I can each day. But there is little to NO room for error. 

Weekends are hit or miss. It's usually me and the boy surfing and running errands while the girls grocery shop and get their nails done and stuff.....

So, that is pretty much it from a daily kind of standpoint....

A couple of other notes: In my adult life (I never drank as a kid or a teen, or smoked or anything). That really started in college. But when I moved to San Diego and started in the restaurant game, part of that is drinking culture. It pretty much became common place to be drinking every night. And on days off, we are at the beach drinking and surfing all day. That just became part of life. It was never really an issue. I toned it down some when I had kids, but still, the wife and I were splitting a bottle of wine at night, or whatever. 

So, a few years ago, when I was like 42, I got this hair up my ass. It was early December. My wife and daughter were out of town and I was with my son. It was a Saturday night, and before we got off the phone for the night, she said something to the effect of: "Don't drink too much while we are gone" or something like that. I got all pissed off when I hung up, and was like, what the fuck was that? So, the next day, I woke up and was like you know what, that is pretty sad that my wife felt the need to say that to me. So that day, I just stopped drinking. I didn't take a sip of alcohol for like 7 months I think it was. I lost like 15 pounds. I was in great shape. Felt great. Clear head. Energy. All that...

So, fast forward. It's my birthday and I have some buddies come to town that I grew up with. So while they were here, we golfed and what not. So, I decided, I am going to drink this weekend.... So, the night of my birthday, we are at a fine dining steak house. We drop like $2k on drinks and dinner, then we end up at a bar/club afterwards. I am hammered. We are on a fucking stage dancing in our socks. The crowd is feeding me shots because its my birthday. 

So, we uber home. There was some confusion about the car. We had to order multiple cars. We get into a weird conversation with the driver. He says some shit to my wife that I didn't like and I basically said, you need to pull over and let us out, because if not, I am going to beat your fucking ass. So, he doesn't pull over, and I am like dude, pull the fuck over or we are going to have a problem.... So, while this is happening, he calls the cops, he starts saying that I am attacking him, which was not true, yet..... I am all fired up. 

Anyway, the night ended badly. Punched through a window. Did some dumb shit...

It was like a smack in the face. I had never done anything like that just because I was drinking....

So, during that fiasco, I was drinking again on a regular. I had a broken wrist. People knew what happened. It was embarassing. Tough time.....

So anyway, this past summer, I felt like I was drinking a bit too much. I was stressing over work and getting home and just numbing the pain. I knew it wasn't a good thing, so once again, I just cut off booze again. I haven't had a drink in about 2 months. I feel great. My wife still drinks wine now and again. I sure do want a glass, but I dont...

So really, it's not like I am in "recovery" or planning to be sober forever. It's just something that I know is masking my emotions and making me avoid reality and some decisions....

So for now, I am trying to keep that shit outta my life. I feel better without it. I am always present. I get everything done around the house. I don't just walk in after a long day and flop on the coach...

So, that is where I am with that...

But, as far as what "god" is telling me? I am not sure. He and I have been in CONSTANT communication over this past year. Most of my morning prayers are a simple "Thank you for all of your blessings, please keep me calm today, give me some peace and help me through the day"... Not asking for much, ya know? Just letting him know I am here and listening. So, I haven't really gotten any signals, or inclinations or anything about guidance there. 

So, to answer your question about lower risk. Yes, there are answers to that. I mean, if I have to, I will be udering at night, or doing whatever I need to... In my industry, it's pretty crazy. So let me tell you guys this, if you don't know.... 

Servers and bartenders, in tourist areas or the right place, make GOOD money. Like, REALLY good money. I have servers that work for me that have been here 15+ years. Own homes. Families. Kids. I see their W2s. A lot of them make like $130,000+ a year. 

So, that has always been the case. Before I got into management. I would make $200-$300 every night in a 4 hour shift. $50-$75 an hour... But it happens to everyone and you get to the point where you say "I don't want to be a server my whole life" or you just think about the community and how that isn't a position of "respect" or something like that....

So, I am really fucking good at that stuff. And my wife and I made a shit load of cash back in the day doing it. She would walk with $400 a day working 6am-2pm 5 days a week at a breakfast diner. And because it was less than 15 employees or something, they didn't have to pay taxes....

So, at the end of the day, if some shit pops off and I have to roll, I have connections and shit, and while it isn't the most "exotic" of things to do, I could step into roles like that temporarily and get by.... And the beauty of that kind of job is: Zero responsibility. You can take as much time off as you want, whenever you want....Not ideal, but it can work. 

But that doesn't answer the big picture... And that is my current conundrum....

For many months leading up to this, I have looked around and come to grips with the fact that no matter where I go, or what I do, I am taking a substantial pay cut. It just is what it is...

Problem is, I have 401K and all that, and we save up a little each year, but generally speaking, the more money I have ever made, we just continue to spend it. Every year, everything get more and more expensive. All of it.... 

So there will have to be some MAJOR sacrifices made in our family if I go and do anything else. The golf may have to stop for a while. Dinners out. The $400 nail appointments for my daughter and wife.... 

We will make it happen, but this is not a position I thought I would be in at 46. A couple years ago, I was convinced that this was my last WhooRah and I was going to ride off into the sunset from here. That is obviously not the case now, so I am kinda standing here with my dick in my hand trying to figure it all out. 

And one final note on that... Is this. And this "shouldn't be a thing, but it is"....

So, I lived in San Diego. People that live there, own homes there, generally, are rich. To some extent, but the everyday people you surf with and live with at these beaches are all young, blue collar people.

Hilton Head Island is a completely different beast. If I lived where I grew up, my income and what not would be considered "weathly" on a lower level... But around here, regardless of what I make, we seem to be on the lower end of the economic spectrum here. I think I have a nice home. We built it. We love it. I think our neighborhood is great.

But we have friends obviously, and we go over to their house, and they are ALL, gated plantations, in what I consider mansions. I mean, everyone. It's baffling. Like one of our friends does what I do. He is the same age as me. He works for my rival restaurant group, but we are friends. He became president a couple of years ago. Anyway, there was a birthday party at his house last summer and we went. This dude lives in like a 3 million dollar mansion on the water... My wife is like, how the fuck does Alan afford this when you guys do the same thing....

That is just how it is... My daughter. Her friends are getting cars. New BMWs and shit... Yikes...

So, some of the conversations have been with my wife like: "Can you imagine the embarrassment of walking up as a server, greating a table to wait on them, and it's your rich friends...".....

And maybe that shouldnt be a thing. Because who cares. But that is the reality. My kids and our community look at me in a certain way as the guy that runs this certain company. Charities. Donations.... 

So the thought of my one day, in the near future, having to pour ice teas for my friends is kind of wild... But that is life, and at the end of the day, it doesn't matter...

But like you all are saying. 26 and 46 are two different things.... 

And boy am I wondering how in the fuck I ended up in a place like this. We would be considered very well off in most places in this country, but around here, we look like fucking poor people because I don't have a mansion on the water...

Fuck me. 

I feel like some of that stuff is a trap honestly. "Keeping up with the Joneses", and status, is a very dangerous thing to entertain in IMO, turns to materialism real quick and it will never be enough, no matter how big the house, how expensive the cars, none of it will make any of you truly happy in the end. It's an empty place to try to get to, the road is never ending, I promise you. This is just my personal approach to this stuff in my life. This house is the 1st, and possibly the last and only house I will ever own, not 100% guaranteed on that, but as of now, I would be just fine paying this thing off and living mortgage free. I don't need anything more than we have, and by most standards, it's a middle class house. I USE to want all of those things, but something changed along the way and it no longer became the goal. If God decides to bless me with that level of abundance, I won't argue lol, but I think chasing it is what the enemy would want you to do. I would forget what the "other guys" have, be content with what you have, and look to change other things in your life that would bring more fulfillment to your life. 

Also, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with waiting a table, serving, or making drinks for people. Thank GOD for the opporutnity to do so. And who cares what anybody else thinks. If you end up having a rich friend come in, I wouldn't feel any shame, and if they look down on you for it, then they probably aren't the people you thought they were, and may want to consider better friends who don't judge you for the occupation you hold, or the level of money or status you have. Just my .02

Somebody once said, "Mo money, mo problems", and I think there's a lot of truth to that. Sure, you can do a lot of good with that money too. I just think it matters how / why you got that money, and what did you have to sacrifice in the process. Take what's left of your life and think about what's REALLY important. Is it mansions? BMW's? 

The more you own, the more attachments you have, the more those things own you.

Also, one other thought. You never really know how other people got what they have. It can look all glamorous on the outside, but they might be in way over their head and on the brink of disaster for all you know. They could be doing stuff they shouldn't be doing. They could just be balling too, maybe they got a better deal where they are at, maybe they made other moves with their money that brought them more "success" or money, but whatever it is, I would just be blessed and thankful for what you have, and let that be enough and it will settle A LOT of that anxiety inside of you to do something to level up. 

That doesn't mean I think you should stay working where you're at. By the sounds of it, you and the bossman are not on great terms anymore, and that makes things unenjoyable, I get that. If it's really bad and beyond repair, I would keep the job but start looking for something else that would give you a little more freedom and time in your day to do the things you truly love, and keep paying the bills. I think if you were to land something suitable, that would remove some anxiety as well, but new jobs have issues too, so keep that in mind.

Yeah man. All so true. And I agree with you 100% on all of that. I would like to think that I am not a "material" kind of person really. 

A lot of the point of us moving from San Diego was the "We will never be able to afford a home here" and all that. So, the goal was to move back to the east coast to be close to family and have more stable opportunity....

So, when I moved here, I lived in a Condo for a year and then by the grace of god, we were able to buy a home. Our first house was a 4 bedroom townhouse in a convenient and quiet neighborhood. We looked at some 3bedroom ranch style homes and what not, but for some reason, I loved the setup of the townhome. 3 stories. the 4th bedroom was a full master on the ground floor behind the garage, so it was like a guest suite. Anyway, I was stoked. I got a ridiculous deal on it... The developer went under back in 08 when the economy tanked, so there was some unfinished slabs and a lot of empty lots, which is part of the reason we paid what we did. 

So anyway, after a bunch of upgrades and what not, we were in it. Loved it. I was happy with the house. Could have lived there forever. No worries....

Anyway, a few years later, maybe 2018, we are walking the dogs around the neighborhood. At this point, housing was booming and another developer bought the rights to our neighborhood. Finished all the remaining townhouse and were selling off all the single home lots. So, we pop into the "model home" and the guy tells us that every lot in the neighborhood is already purchases or accounted for, so we cannot look at building a house. At which point, he tries to sell us on the model home, which is a townhome, but bigger than ours. So, I am like no, I am good with my own townhouse... Anyway, a few days later, dude calls me and says "Hey, the lady that bought the last lot just backed out, so if you want that lot, you have 24 hours to figure this out, or we are putting it back on the market....

So, after a bunch of heartbreak and hassle and jumping through hoops, we secured the final lot and built another single home in our neighborhood in 2019...

So, that is where we are now. Yard. Plenty of space. Everything we wanted....

So, I am good living where I live now, forever. Literally. Gated neighorhood. 1/4 mile from the docks on the bay side. A mile from the surf. Everything we want....

But, just a couple of years ago, the wife started whispering sweet nothings about other neighborhoods and houses and shit. And I was like, nah man, we are good. We are more than good....

And when I was 30ish and in that range, sure, I liked to have the new truck and some minor little things. I used to trade in and get a new truck every 2 years. Now, I am 2 payments away from paying off my 2021 Tacoma and now, I want to keep that truck forever and I have no inkling of trying to find something else...

So yeah, I don't fault my wife for looking at those things sometimes. And with the kids, I know they don't understand it. But my daughter is 15 and I try and explain to her that we live in a crazy place, and most people aren't rich. And most kids don't get new BMWs and shit. She gets it, but it still doesn't change the fact that the world that they live in and grow up in are completely different than what my wife and I did. 

So, yeah. I am certainly looking around and entertaining other things. And at the end of the day, I will always do what is best for me and my family, and fuck everyone else and their opinions. But behind all of that, one still needs to consider the realities of life, bills, times and everything. 

So, I guess one of my biggest cross roads is simply: I have lived in this area for almost 15 years now. And through those years, I have watched a lot of other people and other couples my age, and in my circle, that have taken these risks, gone out on their own and now they are successful. Very successul. A few of them are in my business. Opened their own restaurants. Worked their asses off for years. And now, on the other side, they are the ones that went from 1 restaurant, to 4 succesful ones. So, I think a lot of what has been going on in my mind was just looking around at like minded people like me. The ones that have kids. Have bills. Have responsibilities. And they stopped everything they were doing and said, we are taking the shot now. We are going to do this ourselves. 

My wants and needs are simple these days. Roof over our heads. Food on the table. Bills paid. Get to spend some time with my kids and put them to bed.... All the other noise and nonsense in the daily world has moved all the way down on my priority list. I spend my weeks and my Saturday mornings getting all the bullshit done so I can just be present, sit in my house with my family and enjoy the simple things like fishing our pond and taking a walk....

The world has been moving a million miles per hour for decades, and all I have been trying to do for years now is just slow things the fuck down... Enjoy each day for what it is and stop looking forward to this and that. Be here. Now. 

Right on dude. I always try to keep in mind that time is the more valuable then wealth, and closing in on 50, you begin to realize time isn't waiting for us, before we know it, in the blink of an eye, it'll all be over. Tomorrow is never guaranteed.