I’m still thinking about this for a reply…

I think about this a lot, but never really come up with an answer.  A couple weeks ago I did the best frontside off-the-top turn I've done in years.  Really critical and committed.  If you had asked me the day before how my frontside turn game was I would have said, "not like a few years ago."   I feel like all of surfing for me is like that anymore....downswings, upswings, but not much changes.  My first surf was in the summer of 1979, so roughly 47 years ago.  That kind of blows my mind.  

I thought about this a minute too.  🤔🤣

I probably surfed around 20yrs total.  Around 10yrs each time with like a 35yr hole in the middle.  Probably peaked twice.  At 17½ before I enlisted in the Navy, and a few years after I got here... say 56yrs old or so.  Bodysurfed a handful of times in the 35yrs break.  First year here was bodysurfin only.  Learned how the ocean works here.  Then the landlord sold me the ol funbort.  Was fun rememberin how to do shit real time during waves.  Flyin a hundred frontside across a wall then leanin back to crank a big ol cutback... watchin the fan...  Holy SHIT!  I can do that?  Haha.  I never really felt like I tapered off skill wise after year 5 or so of my return to surfin.  Don't feel that way now.  I just figger I was in pretty insane shape 10yrs ago.  I probably couldn't pull off the same shit today.   😆

I never had this day when I said Ima just bodysurf only.  It happened by itself.  I will say this... I bodysurf better now than at any time in my life.  Nothin stoppin me from grabbin the funbort.  I'm just honestly havin a blast. 

There's been moments I goof around in my head.  I could possibly see me on an old school paipo or maybe that supersonic mat LB talked about.  

For the time bein, I'm a happy pup. ☮️🌴🌊🐬🌊😎🤙

To add a little more perspective on my journey. Growing up on the Gulf really made me hungry to find consistent surf, waves that I could access every day. Being a Gulfster is incredibly frustrating and is about as humble of a place to start surfing as I can think of, at least in salt water that is. It's soooo bad so many days of the year on the Gulf. Every now and then the stars align and you get it good, but even then, it's still not the East Coast.

Once I turned 16 and had my own vehicle, I was able to start making trips East, and get a little taste of what my life could be like, but as soon as I started having fun and getting use to that idea, I would have to turn around and go back home to never ending flatness and the rare chop slop days that end up being pretty fun.

The issue was I had no consistency in my surfing back then, didn't have the money to always make the trip East, so it was very up and down for me, mostly down lol, but I got lucky every now and then. Never was really able to progress to a point where I felt like I was fully competent and in control of the situation. Like starting over each session almost. Those sessions weren't a waste though, I added a lot of repetitions and it did help with my growth in the end, but man was it a long road.

I was saved and baptized in my early 20's, had some ups and downs afterwards, the more I committed my life to Jesus, the more spiritual attacks I faced, and I slid backwards for a bit, but then I met my wife, settled down a bit, and in my mid - late 20's I really started to get clarity on things. I had one of those, "holy shit you're going to be 30 soon" moments, and it clicked. You're a surfer, you've always been a surfer, and it's time to live the life of a surfer, and from that day forward I was completely locked into my goal to relocate East to Brevard or Volusia County. 

If I could express to you guys, just how miserable I was back then, sitting in a fancy South Tampa office, on the 7th floor overlooking all of Tampa, at work every day, doing a job I no longer ejoyed, seeing people I no longer liked or wanted to be around, working for people I had no respect for, and knowing I was 2hrs from the East Coast and couldn't just jump in when I wanted to, it drove me absolutely insane.

I was making good money by this point, that's how I was able to be the road warrior that I became, but it wasn't the same as living here. I had you guys to talk to on the forum and that always helped keep me connected, but I was so jelous of some of you guys HAHA, but it motivated me to keep going.

I prayed, and continued to work on my plan, and at this stage, I was making weekly trips to the East Coast, and did that consistently for over 5 years without fail, and when the Gulf had a bump, I would hit it during the week, or the weekend if it was better forecast than East, which was rare but it does happen lol. One day my prayers came true, and the company me and my wife worked for at the time, ended up hooking us both up with some big bonuses, mine were a bit larger than my wife's due to my 15 years with the company, but together we were able to make the dream a reality, that was October 2015. 

It was the BEST decision I ever made, not just for me, but for my wife, and now my daughter, which, we didn't have until we lived here in West Melbourne. It literally felt like I broke out of prison and found the promise land when we finally make the leap. A prison that I had built for myself, with golden handcuffs and a bunch of people who thought I was crazy for wanting to leave it all behind. It hasn't always been easy keeping the dream alive, but with God's help, and the many blessings, we have found a way.

Freedom, that's what is to me. I feel free, at last. 

So for the long response DP, but this is in fact a very deep question. 

Man, DP, great question. Deep topic.
So, my journey started as a young kid. We lived about 3 hours inland, but my parents always took us to Ocean City, Maryland. My dad taught me how to body surf when I was like 6-7 years old. Then when I was about 8, it was one of those early evening summer days, when the guards left the beach, or "un black balled" it, and I saw a couple of guys out on mid-length fun shapes. They were very good. And I was stunned. I looked at my Dad and said, you need to teach me that. So over the years, he and I would take day trips, 3 hours each way, body surf. Occasionally rent a board. So, I was never die hard about it, because I couldn't be....
In late highschool and into college, I didn't surf at all really. I was playing basketball and then D1 soccer. I moved to the "big city" in Baltimore for college, and my small town mind was blown. Chicks everywhere trying to drop panties. Parties. All the other crazy shit that comes with Baltimore. So, as I mentioned before, I had my best friend/room mate kill himself in college, and the following year go a little weird. Drinking a lot. Smoking a lot. Stopped playing soccer. And before you know it, I had made some stupid decisions, got myself in a little trouble. Pissed off my parents and grandparents. Became some what of a black sheep. And towards the end of my time in Baltimore, I was convinced that I was going to die there or end up in jail. Not because I was into drugs. Pot, yes. Nothing else. But it was a dangerous place. I had been in all kinds of fights. People around me in the city were getting shot. You could hear gunshots from my house every night. I had this dreadful feeling inside. Of being lost. I had lost my faith. I grew up super catholic, and while I was in college, my parents got divorced, and it was because my mother had "realized" that she was gay... It kind of crushed the whole foundation of the way I was raised and taught. Later that same year, my sister, who is adopted from Korea comes out as gay also. My whole world was in shambles. Loss of faith, no direction...
So one day, it hit me. I woke up and said, I need to get out of here before I ruin everything or it all ruins me. And my mind kept going to the same place. Surfing. That is what I had always dreamed of... So, I started looking at Florida and CA. My girlfriend at the time was an equestrian, and she owned horses and she was willing to move, but only somewhere she could move her horses. She wanted to move to Ocala Florida. So, after some pretty hard discussion, I told her that not only did I not want to move to Ocala, that I was moving to California where I could surf every day. Within a week, we broke up, she moved out, took our dog with her to live on the ranch….
So, I was in Baltimore for about 6 more months. Within like 2 months, I met this girl (now my wife) and from the day I met her, I told her, hey, I am moving to California in the fall, just an FYI. Her and I really hit it off. And a couple months before I left, I was like look, why don’t you come to California with me? And the rest was history.
From the day I got to OB, San Diego, I bought a wetsuit, a couple of boards and I surfed every single day. Most of the time multiple times per day. The beginning wasn’t pretty, but after a few months, I was somewhat competent. After a year, I was pushing myself to surf bigger waves and different spots. By year 3, I was traveling to Mexico all the time, surfing big swells, and by year 5, I was convinced I could “go pro”, haha. I could land airs. I had a dude floating me boards. I was holding my own with the sponsored guys in my area. Most of them anyway.
The first year in CA, I was working for Merril Lynch. The market on the east coast opened 3 hours earlier, so I would be in the office from like 6am-3-4pm on weekdays. In the winter, I would watch the sunset from my office at the top of the building on B street downtown. And after a few months, I was bummed and basically said “I am not doing what I came here enough. A quick sunset session or waking up at 5am to surf just isn’t enough, so I quit there, got a job serving and bartending and was making and average of $300 in cash per shift. I could work all nights and surf all day. My bills were paid in 3-4 days per month, so I spent the extra money traveling to Baja, getting new boards. It was ideal… After a few years of that, they convinced me to start managing, which was a slight pay cut at first, but in a couple if years I was in upper management, a GM….
So, we spent 10 years in CA. I planned on living there forever and ever. But after trying to get family and parants and what not to come live out west with us, no one would. And it took a toll on my wife. We traveled back east constantly to Baltimore and DC ot see her family, and on the inside, I always had a bit of guilt. I knew that if I woke up one day and said, hey, do you want to move back to the east coast, she would jump at the chance. So when I was 30, we got married, went to HI for the honeymoon and the wife got prego in Maui… Haha…. So, then my daughter was born. Parents and grandparents and what not were all flying out as much as they could. My wife would work days and I would work nights and we would hand my daughter off. I was still able to surf almost every day, but it really started being about 4 days per week, just because. And I was so obsessed at the point, I thought I would never be able to not surf 7 days per week….
So basically, about a year after my daughter was born, my inlaws were out visiting and they basically said “Look, we want to leave Baltimore, but we can’t come all the way here. My wife aunt, uncle, grandmother and cousins all moved to this place in South Carolina called Hilton head Island. So, if you two can find a way to move there, we will follow you within 1-2 years….
So, I kind of blew it off at first. Then we get a phone call, and it’s my wife’s uncle, he is in the F&B business and he says he knows a guy that has an opportunity for me. An investor that wants to open a giant waterfront restaurant on Hilton Head Island…. So, I call the guy, we talk on the phone. Thing go great. I fly out there the next weekend to talk to him. Within 10 minutes of being there, he was like “The job is yours”. We agreed on a number, and I returned back to CA, put in my two weeks notice, packed our shit and came here…..
So, since I moved here, I knew the surf was the east coast, but more importantly. Not an ideal part of the east coast. So it was more shocking than I expected as far as lack of surf. But I got used to it. I average 1-2 days per week if there are waves, but I go over a month sometimes if there is nothing out there in the winter or whatever. Hurricane season, I take time off and I will hit it every day and make it work. Get while the getting is good.
So, where am I at now in surfing? I joke that I am in “surfing retirement” where I longboard most of the time, I have only met a couple of days here in almost 15 years that made me even slightly nervous out there. The few of us that surf here are all friends. We all surf together. No crowds. No bullshit. Warm water most of the year…..
What sucks for me is that when I do go on a trip or surf down on a big swell in Florida like a couple of years back, it was like DOH and it was nerve racking, and tough, and I was more out of shape than I thought. So it takes a lot of time to get back in rhythm. A lot more lost waves or meat on the bone during big days for me… I am also 46, so it is what it is….
So I plan to surf as often as I can, for as long as I can. But I appreciate every moment in the water now, way more than I did surfing perfect waves everyday in CA with a bunch of dick heads. I appreciate time in the water with friends and family more than ever. And in a strange way, the last 14ish years have allowed me to focus on some other things in life. In my 20s, I woud have a panic attack if we took to long eating breakfast and there are waves. Everyone knew that unless Zach has surfed that day yet, count him out from Brunch, or football, or whatever. It just was what it was….

And in my mid 40s, especially in recent years, I have been contemplating career changes, or just some other changes. What I do isn’t rocket science, but it’s hard work, long hours and physically demanding, so I have been pretty bummed out a lot professionally lately, and that leaves me pondering “What if?” and it makes me wonder, well, what if I had stayed with Merril Lynch, or never left California. If I stayed closer to home, would have have had my own business, big ass house, condo at the beach….
I believe in the butterfly effect, so I wouldn’t change a thing, because you never know…. But at this age, I enjoy surfing. I became as competent and competitive as I ever dreamed at one point. I have surfed 30 foot waves, I have gotten tons of barrels, I used to land airs all the time. I followed my surfing dream and accomplished it, so now, the focus is just enjoying waves, enjoying the water and trying to pass my knowledge on to my kids. I don't have huge aspirations to travel the world and see empty reef points. I just want to drive a couple hours every now and again and surf something different, something a little bit better. That is enough for me. For now. 

And DP, like you said, in a strange way, surfing lead me back to Jesus and faith. It’s really only out in the ocean that I would reflect and meditate and communicate with that higher power. And now my kids are in Catholic school and I am back in mass a lot of the time. It was something that I lost for a long while, and every day before I paddle out, I hold the cross on my chain, say a prayer and that god for putting my life in the position to be standing on that beach, at that moment, with the opportunity to spend time in his ocean.

So, after all that being said, in a weird way, I have always looked at surfing and thought/said "surfing save me" in a way. Not that I was some crazy ass criminal pyscho. I was just a young confused kid trying to figure the world out on his own. After I went to college, I never asked my parents for a dollar. I never lived at home with them every again. When I moved to CA, my wife's parents and my own said "Okay, we will see you back here in 6 months" kind of thing.... So when I was living in Baltimore, I had become angry, defensive, violent at times. I had made friends with people that were very kind, but literally "gangsters" and stuff like that. I had been robbed in broad daylight on a Saturday Afternoon in Park Heights in front of like 100 people. Dude pulled a gun and ran my pockets. Everywhere I would walk in the city, people were trying to sell me heroin and shit. The shit with my parents. It was dark times, where I had become someone I didn't recognize. And once I moved to CA and started surfing every day, I became mellow again, and chill, and laughed all the time and was never angry. Always stoked. Water off a ducks back.... It was also during those times when I was surfing every day that I decided I did want to marry this woman, and I did want kids. And up to that point, I had always said "Can't get married until you have a career. Can't have a kid until you own a home".... and surfing changed my spirit and my life to the point where I was just content, at ease, and I was like you know what, I want to get married now. I want to have kids now. I will figure the rest out....

So not in some near death kind of experience, but to me, surfing did save my life, and it corrected a path of destruction that I had been going down. In those days and in those moments, I wouldn't have traded my life with anyone. I lived where I had dreamed of living, I had developed into the surfer that I wanted to become and I lived every day to the fullest and surfed every wave with every ounce of heart I had. And also in a weird way, my whole existence had become "surfing". Anyone that knew me or was friends with me thought of one thing first, and that was surfing.... And that is something that most people in CA "display" or "want you to think" or "talk about" or have boards hanging all over there walls and talking about that big swell coming, but it's all fake, it's Fugazi. Sure, anyone from CA has probably learned how to surf to some extent, but I truly believe that I walked the walk and showed people time and time again that this is what I am, and this is what I am about....

And that is the hard part. At 46, the waves are few. There are only a few of us that ever share the really good waves. And around here, when you tell someone you surf, they go "Really, how to you find waves around here". Kind of thing....

So as a lot of you also probably struggle with that identity, it is what it is. Being a "surfer" isn't really an outward thing I wear on my sleeve. You wouldn't know that about me unless we were close. Being a "surfer" in this area, at this age, is something completely different. It's just about being there when there are waves. Enjoying it and getting the most out of it.... It's not like when I was 28 years old, and you get to the LJ reefs and it's firing and you see cameras on the cliffs, and local pros out and you get all crazy and try and get the wave of the day, or try and get noticed, or try and get a good shot.... In San Diego, where and when it's good, you would always encounter that. Videos recording. Pro Photogs out. Everyone jocking to prove to themselves and everyone else that "they belong".....

Those days and times are over. I don't really see my developing any further skills that what I have. And I am good. I have every kind of arrow in my bag that I need. Now I just have to stay fit enough to enjoy it while I still can....

One last thought that I have pondered for many, many years. Often times, especially when I was younger, it was always "Go to college, get a job, work hard, play later" kind of thing. So with surfing, the two differing theories were: Surf your ass off while you are young and can do it, then worry about the other stuff later, and second was: Work your ass off now, so by the time you are in your mid-40s, you are traveling the world, surfing all over the place and enjoying the fruits of your labors.

So, I obviously chose door #1, because to me, I had the fear of: If I don't do this now, it might slip away, and if I give up 20 years of my life working and doing whatever, by the time I am in my 40s, will I even want to pursue surfing? 

So I know many people do it one way or the other, and at the time especially, it was exactly what I wanted and had planned, but on the other hand now, it does make me wonder: What if.... What if I did just work, do the career thing right out of college... would I be closer to retirement now? Would I be looking at retirement spots in Hawaii for when my kids graduate? 

Who knows.... But that had always been a thought that crossed my mind.

And back to a conversation, when my daughter was born. The in-laws were out visiting and we were up in wine country hanging out, and the conversation of "would have ever move back to Baltimore, or to Maryland"... And I got all pissy and was like, no, I would not. I care about surfing so much, that if we moved back to Baltimore, I would quite surfing and just live as an angry bastard.... To that, my mother in law was like "Zach, you are still very young... As you get older, things like surfing are not going to matter as much to you" And to that, I got even more mad. I was like, just because you never found something you were that passionate about, doesn't mean I won't continue fighting for it forever, but if it is ever taken from me, I don't know if I would have the sanity, so sit hours away, driving long stretches on weekends and stuff....

And that is something that I think holds true to everything DP said, and a little bit of my story has been. If you don't FIGHT for it, you are probably going to lose it. Sometimes as you get older, you have to fight for every session you get. You have to make sure a million other things in your life are in order. You have to work harder, live in a more expensive place, make sacrifices, all to make sure that you get that carrot in the end..... 

So that is another take away from where my surfing life is and has been. It's always been a fight. I had to fight to get there, I had to fight to stay there, and I continue that good fight, to find the time, to find the stoke and to make it happen. For some, it seems that the stoke can come and go, and whole chapters of life, like IBC said, maybe be completely void of surfing. But to stay in the water, and to continue to surf, at least for me, has always been a fight. In a good way I suppose. 

Good stuff Zach, I can relate with a lot of what you're saying. You bring up a good point about "the fight". I moved out of my parents house and was on my own, in my own apartment, with a nearly brand new truck, just two months after my 18th B day, when I graduated HS, and never looked back. I had a job and saved and paid my own way too. I never fell flat on my face like people thought I would, never bummed money or anything from my parents to do any of it, or to ever pay my bills, I was 100% self sufficent from day 1, minus that ONE time I got arrested in my life, in my early 20's, and needed help posting bond, and getting bailed out for speeding and DUI, going 120mph on the Howard Franklin Bridge lol.Woops.

I ended up getting it knocked down to a wreckless driving, but still had to do all the same BS and pay all that money when you get a DUI, but a least it didn't say "DUI" on my record as a conviction. This was before I started dating my wife, but It was not too long after I started working in Tampa with the most toxic people ever. I loved the company at first, don't get me wrong, but it changed, I stayed long enough to end up hating it in the end. But it all worked out. When she started working at the same company, we were both dating other people for a while, but eventually we fixed that, in a rather lustful way I might add 🤣 , but it turned into love, we got married, and the rest is history as they say. 

When we got married, we were still working together at the same company. I was in management by this time, but she was in a different department, so nothing wrong or improper there. Our relationship wasn't exactly celebrated by everybody in the office though, including the new ownership and new upper management that eventually came in and took over the company. Our relocation was the final straw I guess. After relocating, I could tell the energy shifted and the haters from our departments were desperately trying to get me / us fired. Then after a while, the energy really shifted some more when DJT was elected, I didn't realize it then, but looking back, I realize they were mostly liberals and nut jobs and was not stoked, while I was enthusiastic about the future after DJT was elected. The new management didn't like that I guess. Losers hate to see people happy. Me basically telling them all to go F themselves as I took my wife, and left to live out my dreams and start a family, was just too much for them to handle!

Before I broke out of that prison, the level of toxicity reached an all time high, my mental health had declined, I was approaching critical mass with these people. I was willing to do almost anything (legally) to get away from them, before I started considering "other means" lol. The first attempt I made at working remote with this company got rejected, they allowed some people to do it, but not others, and it was BS, typical office politics, this was before I dated my wife, when I was a senior agent. No real reason, just "no".

However, long after I was promoted to management, and eventually Director of Sales, I took another swing at it. I figured I had earned it after 15 years of service and had worked my way up the ladder, and was in a higher position of power, and I was right. But it came at a price. Tons of risk involved. Since my first attempt was shot down, I changed my tactic on my 2nd attempt, and I'm not saying it's "right", but I felt I had to do it, now or never type of feeling, and it made the most sense, and I figured it would have given us BOTH the best chance at being allowed to work remote.

My plan, since they wouldn't allow anybody to manage a department remotely, was to offer to step down, and go back to being an agent, but remotely, and my wife was already working remotely a couple days per week so she just went full time remote. But the urgency to relocate was due to my wife needing surgering and would have to see medical specialists that were only in Orlando, and we had to relocate, and of course none of that was true, but I felt if I had been honest and just asked again, they would have said "no", and then they probably would have looked to replace me since they knew I didn't want to be there any longer. Chess move.

They really didn't want to let us do it, it didn't go over well at all, they didn't say "no" though either, so we made the leap, and it was touch and go every day with keeping our jobs there, very stressful at first, because they knew we were lying about the surgery and specialists, but they couldn't prove it, and they didn't force us to prove it, with HIPPA and all that, I think they were afraid to go there, so I worked remote for like another 18 months with them when I first relocated here, but eventually they cut ties with me after the new ownership came in.

They hated that we got out of there, I mean, they probably were happy because I was giving them the business on the regular since I was so sick of them all, if you know what I mean. Lots of jelousy by them. They just didn't want to see me / us happy. The "good looking couple", living out their dreams, how dare they lol.

Anyways, I could go on and on, but the point I'm getting at it is "the fight". I fought tooth and nail for a very long time, because it seemed like every power in the world was against me living out my dreams. I even had doubters like my parents, and some so called friends at the time that didn't think it was a good move and that we shouldn't leave Tampa, etc. etc... well meaning yes, but they just didn't understand. Now, things are a bit different, hard to ignore the success and still living the dream.

After I lost my job before landing this one, I'm sure there were some "see I told you" going on with them, but I rebounded quickly, regrouped, worked a couple different jobs, and then finally found another work from home job doing something I like, and stress free mostly. I have been managing a company remotely just like I wanted, and I have been doing it since April 2020. The fight is so much less these days, such a relief. To keep the dream alive, there is always going to be some fighting to do, freedom isn't free, but it's a different kind of fight right now, and that made it all worth it in the end. 

I got the last laugh, all the losers and haters in the world can't keep me down. With God, ALL things are possible. Going out on faith is always a little scary, but when you trust in God, and just depend on him instead of the world, he always makes a way.

Maybe somewhere in here is the ol Don't forget where you came from.  Sure, a kid could be on a desert island, pick up a piece of plywood, and eventually figger out how to surf with no other human involved.  I mean, it IS statistically non zero, a chance exists. 

The right few words of wisdom, or perhaps even a real surfin bort, can really speed up the learnin process.  Instead of it takin a year to happen on its own, just a few trips to the beach with the right coach. 

Don't hoard the knowledge.  Find the right students.  You ain't gonna be here forever.  😎🤙

Part of our journey could be helpin someone get started.  Our kid or grandkid.  Or maybe I'm out in a crowd of tourists.  My spirit tells me that's the person to coach.  It usually ends up pretty well for em.  😉

We can't coach the whole planet, and nobody wants to anyhow.  But, times happen where we can hook up with the right one.  Might not seem like much to us.  Coulda just planted a little seed.  At least made someone's day.

At some point maybe we say I'm the older dude that turned into Yoda or somethin.   Haha

Yeah DP. I feel you on a lot of that. It's funny, because I have a computer science degree and my brother has a law degree. I run restaurants and bar, and he makes computer games. Who knew? My career journey, that started really because of surfing was always on a pretty nice upwards trajectory. It's funny because the reason I got into managing restaurants, is because at the time, the happiest people that I knew in San Diego were all the managers that I was working for. They all made good money, owned homes in San Diego, worked clean 8 hour days. Sipping cold beer after the shift. Always bringing family in to the businesses. My company was big in the community. We catered every practice for the Chargers, we did work with the Padres. Charity golf tournaments. So, back in those days, it was a win win for me. I could do something I enjoyed, and still surf all day. I worked my way up all the way to the GM level in CA, and when I moved here, I had an investor, but I opened my own spot. A GIANT spot. 12,000 foot, waterfront, 450 seat restaurant. Did that for 2 years and got it up and running. Then I ended up moving on and working for the largest, most popular restaurant/group in the area. Started as GM, then moved up to the director level. Opened up 5 locations. But I can track back to around Covid, or shortly there after where I kind if hit the top level of my craft, and there is really no where else to go UP from here. And I have a unique role that is really only required by larger restaurant groups with multiple locations. So, I have been stuck in a rut for some time now. Most of our upper management quit or got fired a couple years back when our top guy rolled out due to complications and arguments with the owner. Since then, it's been a shit show, where we all do the jobs of about 5 other people. Every day is wild. I am doing random jobs, running random businesses and all in all, just not enjoying what I do anymore.

So, I am at another cross roads, where I have a home, a shit load of bills, kids, dance, crazy bills, so I continue just doing what I am doing, but I have been trying to find a way into something different for a while now. The passion is gone. I am no spring chicken. Running around in the 100 degree heat all summer is not ideal anymore....

So, it is what it is. My wife and family are ADAMANT about staying here on the island for a while. Like, until at LEAST both kids graduate college, which is easily a decade from now. So, I really just have to commit to grinding and what not and getting through it all. And surfing as much as I can in the mean time. 

My wife and I talk about it all the time, but if I could turn back time 6-7 years, I would have slowed down our spending and responsibilities. No joke, I calculated last year that I spent like $50k JUST on my daughters dance shit. With tuition, travel, hotels, shows, costumes, all that shit... So, I have put myself in a position where I can't really make lateral movements or step down too too much into some other kind of roll....

Just the other day though, my brother in Austin got laid off again from his computer game job. He has been telling me for years that the industry is dead. AI took it ALL over. No coders anymore. No humans really. My sister lives in Baltimore and she is miserable...

So, most people I am close to are having a tough go at life right now. And it really puts perspective on the things that matter to you, and where you live and why you live there. 

Having kids was the best thing I have ever done, and I am stoked on that. But man, do I miss the days of not having the weight of the world on my shoulders, and having the future ahead of you, with the ability to make changes at the drop of a hat. Or just simply paying off your cheap beach house rent in a few days, taking time off and surfing Mexico for a week. Just the simple times, where you wake up each day with a clean slate. 

This kind of relates, but in addition to my son learning how to surf and getting pretty good at it, I have been teach my son's best friend's dad how to surf for a few months now. I don't know what made him want to get into it, but basically, he has a niche job. He makes custom chandeliers. Artsy stuff. Has his own studio at home. So anyway, someone traded him a brand new SUP for a chandelier a few months ago. It's a surfing SUP. Like about 9 feet, but with a swallow tail. Not a big tank. So anyway, he brought it to the beach one day and I gave him some pointers and pushed his kids into waves. Since then, we have met up about 5 time, and this guy has the surfing bug. Never done it before, but by his second session, he was standing up and riding little waves in a straight line. This guy is in his mid-40s so it's funny to see a guy my age, that has never touched a board get the surf bug and just get hell bent on surfing. He goes on his own almost every day. When he sees dolphins or schools of fish, he paddles out to them and just says stuff like "This is so awesome just being in the ocean, being with these creatures" and what not....

As a matter of fact, the point of his whole beginning surf journey was to get competent enough to surf on their summer trip. He is from Belgium, and they had considered Hawaii, CA, but ended up going to Ireland, because his family could meet them there. But he is over there now, in a wetsuit, in freezing ass cold water, surfing Ireland right now...

So, I guess one's surfing journey can start at any time, regardless of age. Funny thing about this guy is that he is overly confident. He also took up golf a few months ago. Surfing and golf are two of the hardest things to get good at. Anyone can do either, but very few can do either well, and whether we are golfing or surfing, he has this "I've got this" mentality, where he thinks in a few months, he is going to be out there getting barreled and making pars on the golf course. To each their own, but I certainly love his confidence. 

Our past mistakes.  We know SO many ways to get thumped.  Don't do THAT.  Trust me on this.  Like Turtle sez...  😎🤙

https://youtube.com/shorts/NDoNsokq1i8?is=bQeJODwhN520ckSO

Another part of my surf journey has been about overcoming other types of adversity, like shoulder injuries, I went through so many dislocations / seperations, and labrum tears, etc., it was so frustrating and each one was a set back physcially, mentally, emotionally, spiritually etc., you start to wonder if you'll ever be 100% again, or even 80-90%, but luckily I never needed surgery, and eventually they healed and I got my shoulders in good working order again, thank you Lord! 

The other struggle I went through was dealing with PTSD after nearly drowning in PR several years back, after a severe dislocated shoulder from a wipeout on a DOH close out. I have detailed the story a couple times so I won't bore everybody but if you remember it was a pretty tough ordeal, but I didn't really talk much about how it crushed me mentally when I was back in the water, I just couldn't function, waves with any size at all were making me panic and I just wanted to get out of the water ASAP.

I kept showing up, kept paddling, but it took quite a while before I was able to shake it. My heart would start to race as I got to the beach, and I had nightmares when I slept at night, I would always be under the water trying to get to the surface but couldn't, and I would wake up gasping for air like I was about die, really scary shit, but those eventually faded, and I rarely have episodes like that anymore.

I didn't realize I was that shook when it happened, but it must of been pretty traumatizing. I really learned something about myself though. When I realized nobody was coming to save me out there and I was running out of oxygen, it was just me against the ocean, I just asked God to help me get to shore, and told myself that I am not going to drowned, because I'm just not, and that was the way it was, I refused, and after about 45 minutes with one arm, taking wave afte wave on the head, I made it to shore.

Then came the redemption, I finally broke free of the PTSD one morning, there was a hurricane sitting about 100 miles off our coast, I met my friend from Jax for a session, and it was well over head to DOH and barreling at Spanish House. The first thing we saw when we walked out of the mangrove tunnel and onto the beach was this guy dropping into what looked like a 10ft bomb, completely hollowed out, and he just smoothly dropped in backside pig doggin it and got so shacked, and was spit out and made that shit. We just looked at each other in disbelief. I was nervous as shit, not gonna lie. He convinced me to send it, and send it I did.

I made it outside a lot quicker than I expected, but I did have to duck dive some bombs to get there. I was trying to find one that I thought I could make, I wasn't pulling the trigger yet, my friend (Kahuna Kai if you remember) told me to just go, he told me that I was good enough, and that will shred it, and that was what I needed to hear, and I went on the next set wave that came my direction. It was a left, I was racing this monster all the way down the line and made it, couldn't believe it. I paddle back out, do it again. I could feel the anxiety leave my body, I was so stoked by the end of the session, my confidence was restored, and I have never looked back since. 

It was harder dealing with the mental part than it was the shoulder issues to be honest, not something you're really prepared for, but now that I have been through it, I am. And if I can help someone overcome similar stuff, I will.

Lotta people start surfin as adults.  Astronaut Christina Koch from here in G-Town didn't start til she was 35 or somethin.  She's talked about how she's uncoordinated and kinda geeky, but she really wanted to figure this shit out.  She eventually did, and is pretty stoked nowadays.  She maybe ain't gonna be in the Olympics, but she's havin a blast.  Not too many Raglan surf reports comin from the Space Station.  🛰🚀😎🤙

Yeah man, luckily, I have never had any major injuries due to surfing. I have had some, what felt like, near drowning situations. And from about 2007 to 2010, I was at the peak of my surfing fitness and ability, and in those years, I pushed myself to the limits of what southern CA and Baja can offer. Man times, I was out there as a true dragon slayer, trading 25 foot faces with some of the best guys doing it at the time, but there were a few times where I was humbled beyond belief. The first of which was the day I have highlighted about my trip to Baja with that Navy Seal and a couple of other guys. My best buddy that was with us wasn't the best surfer, but he was a professional commercial diver, so he was a true waterman and he could handle any size surf, as far as just getting out there and being able to navigate. Being out at that right hand point, with 25 foot wave faces and the biggest south swell of the millenium at the time was humbling. As this monster would wedge up against the seawall in front of Hotel Calafia, it would expose these jagged bone reefs that would poke right up out of the wave face and be 2 feet exposed on the take off, and then on the inside, it was all jagged boneyard with no way to get in. I backed off at least 5 waves, and it took me over an hour to shake the fear and anxiety of the conditions out there. And I think I only clocked 3 rights that day, and I will admit, I was too scared to pull into the barrel. I just out ran it and did huge roundhouses and then hopped off the back and scraped for the horizon for my life. 

And then the following winter, it was the second "Big Wednesday". It was every big of 30 foot faces at Blacks and on the Cliffs. I went to a spot called indicator, that is a 3rd outer reef that only breaks every few years, kinda like the LJ cove. And I was out there doing my fucking thing. I got probably 5 bombs, all lefts and got really comfortable. And these two older heads were out with me. We were the deepest outside, waiting on the big sets and I hear them both talking about how the tide changed about an hour ago and all that water has been trapped in the cove, and as the tide starts pulling out, the entire cove and inner bay was going to drain out... So they were telling each other to be careful, because something deadly was coming. I didn't think too much of it, and then like 10 minutes later, I see both of them start paddling like 60 yards further out. And mind you, this break is a deep water reef and the paddle out is easily at least 1/4 mile to begin with. So I slowly started to follow, but it was too late. The most massive set I had ever seen was WAY out on the horizon, like a mile away. You could feel the water draining out behind us, and I started panicking and going as fast as I could. And I Almost made it. But at the last moment, I realized I was not going to make it, so I tried to stay calm, the wave started pitching 30 feet above me and I stepped on the back of my board, tried to dig into the wave face the best I could and I could feel the giant lip roll behind me, inched from my back like a freight train and the lip cipped the very tail of my board, and it hit so violently that it broke two of my toes on my right foot. They were already bent on the tail trying to leverage the board as much as I could, but the wave blew it up and it sucked me back over the falls and I was under for what felt like a whole minute. Probably just 20 seconds or so. Leash broken. Didn't know which was was up, but I finally started to see the light and when I got to the top and broke the surface I was panicking again, expecting to have another one dropping on my head and out a mile at sea with no board, but when I got up and took a breath, I looked around and the ocean had gone completely flat, and my board was floating like 10 feet away. I grabbed that board for dear life and just navigated around for like 30 minutes with a fucked up foot until a small enough wave came to take me in. At a break like that, you can't paddle in during a big swell. The impact zone is like 300 yards deep, so no matter what you do, if you can't actually ride a wave, you are going to get fucking shredded on the inside....

That was the biggest swell they said had ever hit San Diego since like the 60s, and I was out surfing at the absolute peak of it. I ended up taking the rest of the swell off because I broke my toe. And when I got to the beach/cliffs, I just grabbed the sand and laid there for 10 minutes. Praying....

That was the last day I tackled "big waves". And by that I mean, massive waves. That shook me to my core and pointed out to me how dangerous this shit is. And Sunset Cliffs is no pipeline, but a 30 foot wall of water, that was traveling across the pacific with a 25 second swell period is enough to kill anything in it's path......

So that is also when I realized that Big Wave surfing and surfing are two separate things. And it's one of those things where if you aren't willing to die every day you do these things, it's not worth it....

So, I slayed the dragon. I pushed myself to the limits of what can be surfed in Southern CA. It taught me a lot about myself and the ocean. I have never seen waves that big since, but even on some of the big swells that came after that, I wouldn't go to indicator, or blacks. I found a few safer spots with deep water channels and that are more manageable....

Since then, ironically, the only time I have had pre-surf jitters like I had then was actually on the east coast. Two years ago, the week before christmas when that winter storm hit Florida. I was in JAX for the Raven's game and Saturday, when the weather cleared, it was every bit of DOH+ with some TOH. At the JAX pier. All beach break. A couple of locals just paddled right out like it wasn't shit. I sat there and watched for almost an hour before I finally went out. I was sketched the whole time. Because I am older, out of shape, and these are beach breaks dumping all over the place. I got a few keepers and game in... Heart racing. Just glad to have gotten a few and made it back in. The next day was super fun and way more clean in the slightly OH range. That was a blast. But I started getting those panics and flashbacks while I was watching it... Different wave. The paddle out wasn't actually that bad. But that was the first time those memories got dusted off and my brain was asking me... "Wait, what? What the fuck are we about to do"?

Crazy how the mind works... But I am done putting myself in situations like that. I did it, I lived. And that was more than enough. 

Oh, DP.  Kahuna Kai.  Talk about part of your surf journey.  Y'all two been through some shit together, bro.  As far back as we all go together, then years before that.  Can't think of too many other examples that compare.  😎🤙

I remember watchin a Jax Pier webcam on the gnar day, Zach.  It was good to hear back from you, and that you didn't break two loaner borts from the local hookup.  You were busy that weekend.  NFL.   We didn't hear back til like 2 days after.  That was some beefy surf, bro.  Not me that day.  😎🤙

AH, what a good thread to go down memory lane. When thinking of "where I am in surfing now" and where I was, it's broken down into at least 2 to 3 sections. I am only working with a few random photos that I have on my phone. A lot of my old surfing footage is still trapped on camcorder tapes and actual developed photos from my wife's 35mm.... But these shed a little light on my old surf rat days. From 2002-2012 ish. I was 22 years old to 32. In San Diego and Baja. The first 5 or 6 years was all about surfing as much as possible. Exploring. Going to Mexico. Finding empty waves. The second part of this, which I will post is when I believe I was at my surfing peak. I was getting a lot of barrels, handing waves with the local pro guys and all that. I had started a career and didn't surf for 4 hours per day, but I would still get out every day. Grainy shots are either from my wife's 35mm or the camcorder tapes. The ones that are actually better resolution are from a photog in San Diego named Joe Ewing. He and I would always end up at spots in OB when it was good. He worked for a mag called "surfshot". So he would hit me up occasionally if he was going up to La Jolla or whatever. But the really clear shots in OB are from Joe, as well as the ones at the LJ reefs. He was the man....

So here is part one of "the good ol' days"

This is where it would have been nice to just post all the damn photos, not have to crop them all together like this... Oh well.

Part Two